ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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