Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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