I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
