Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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