New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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