we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
