there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize