I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I understand Curling. That high.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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