I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
