My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
