I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
