This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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