In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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