I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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