I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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