your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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