Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
