You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
