i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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