I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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