Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize