Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
