just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
