No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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