Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize