Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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