so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
