You can't special order awesome
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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