Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
