So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
