i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
