I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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