i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
