Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
