Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
