then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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