I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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