home. puking in laundry basket.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
