Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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