I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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