shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
