To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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