i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
