Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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