Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I deserve this hangover.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
