: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize