just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
