I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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