You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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