yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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