and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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