i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
