I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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