I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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