2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
