I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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