is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
