oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
