How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
