What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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