Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
