before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
