what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
