just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
