He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
