Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize