things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
