so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
