The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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