My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
