remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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