So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
