I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
