oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
