I met the friendliest cop last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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