I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
