remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
