I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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