I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
