Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
