I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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