Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
