So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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