I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
