Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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