I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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