Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize