I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
