I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
