She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Too much gin, very little bucket
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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