turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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