I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
