I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
