Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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