i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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