I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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