god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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