he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
