Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
