I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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