Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
