i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
