Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
