Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So many bounce houses so little time
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize