I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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