I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
