yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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